Kissing the past goodbye

Months and months of inner reflection, silently planning on the choice I would make IF ever in the future my life once again crossed paths with someone I know isn't emotionally good for me. Our relationships are all unique. We weave our lives around others and sometimes the entanglement becomes intense and and complicated. With this former relationship...I knew this one would never be easy. I prayed the our paths would stay diverged and counted on it. Because it hurt. It hurt deeply...pause while I deflect my mind for a second. :).

I received a random text around midnight on Friday from a random number. That happens quite frequently. Usually, it's a, "hey" or "what's up" or more frequently "I miss you". That one is usually tougher. Regardless of whether or not I miss you, I can't make that connection at that moment because I honestly have no clue who you are. My habit is to only keep contacts in my phone that are positive. If you're in the past and we don't have a present or a future, I'm not keeping your number. I also move things around. Pictures....if I might want to see them in the future, I'll move them to a folder I can choose to access. That way, a picture of you doesn't randomly display when I'm looking for something else and sidetrack me. And, if you were EVER lucky enough to be on my social media...you're not there anymore. I am doing the best I can not to live in the past, and stay in the present. But, this text was different. And, it was downright confusing.... "This might sound insane (especially with it almost being midnight). But I've been reading A New Earth by Eckhart Tolle and listening to his podcast and I just wanted to let you know I am really sorry, and maybe we just think differently. I hope you're well. I never mean to make you feel fucked over."

Curious....I was too...but scared of my curiosity. DO I WANT TO KNOW???....because once I know then I have to make a choice. Realizing it was a local area code and also knowing the gender behind sending a text like that, I channeled my inner happiness champion and sent a response that I wasn't sure I had in me. I apologized for not knowing who they were because they are not in my present life. I told them I had peace in my heart and wanted them to have peace, as well. And, whatever choice they made which was obviously unfavorable for me in the past, was hopefully the best choice they made for themself. I thanked them for their part in my journey and said I probably think about them in a positive way from time to time. And, I said they don't need to apologize for their choice and just be comfortable living who they want to be. They texted back that they have peace. And, reading that brought me peace, as well.

It actually works....and we both are amazingly strong. I suspect I know who this person is. And, when I offered them the choice to stay anonymous, they took it. The text was written as if I would know the sender. That took a lot of strength and courage. For what it's worth, thank you. :)